At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
