Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
