Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
