Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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