I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
