If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
