U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
