Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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