My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
