Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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