ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
