Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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