Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
