Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
