You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
