i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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