I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
