she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
