the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
how does that bad decision feel?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
