You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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