you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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