Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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