no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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