so explain again why im purple
no
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
