I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
