I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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