i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
