i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
