omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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