tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
