remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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