my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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