Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
