weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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