we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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