if you like me you must not know who I am
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
