he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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