that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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