Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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