I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
