This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize