the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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