dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
