we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
