i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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