I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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