Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
