I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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