I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
