Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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