Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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