you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I don't want my vagina anymore.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
