There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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