well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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