Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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