Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
