How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
