A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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