PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
