**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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