my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he shaved USA in his pubs
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
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No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize