i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
