he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
