I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
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One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
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The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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