After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
