i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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