Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
