i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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